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Lover / Lovee

It feels great to love, to do kind things, to be the caring one.  When I bring you your morning coffee, give change to the homeless, or help another relax I feel good about myself.  I can even work on selflessness and humility while I do things for you.  I feel warm and peaceful inside.  I can calmly, expertly, be there for you.  It’s reassuring to me.  Or really, to my ego. 

To receive is so difficult.  There is nothing in it to support my ego, bolster how wonderful I am.  It is so incredibly vulnerable.  It is exactly those parts of my identity, my self, that must let go for me to receive love.  Presence, God or whatever you call it, patiently waits for me to step aside so It can give me much greater gifts.  Like the gift of seeing my 'good person', letting it have its way, letting it do what it does.

I grow much more in receiving than giving.